Gay Pareeeee

honey, Paris was everything I hoped it was, and more (and surprisingly so much less dog shit than I expected). We arrived on thursday, went to my friend Jery's apartment overlooking Paris, he lives very close to the Eiffel Tower. we had a relaxing dinner at an Indian restaurant (as you do) and then fought over who should use the toilet first. Our first Parisian sh.it. Ooh la la!!! I think I still have cardamon seeds in my bum hair!

We went to Versailles on Friday and spent an hour waiting to buy tickets to the palace, but glad we did because it was amazing. i went years ago but didn't bother paying the admission, and had regretted it ever since! It was FREAKIN AWESOME! I felt like Marie Antoinette.

Came back on Friday afternoon and then met up with my friend Richard who came to visit me in Oz about 2 years ago. we went out and got TRASHED, Paris style, as only the french can...which was great, but I got home at about 9.30am on Saturday morning, and slept for most of saturday...i know you understand how I was feeling! So Saturday was a quiet affair, but we did manage to do some serious sightseeing, which was super duper and quite cleansing! Exhausted, Dan and I stayed in the apartment on Saturday evening with my friend Jery, and his partner. Sunday we all got up to go in to the Marais for breakfast PPPParis style...ie...rude service and snotty waiters. we got exactly that....we made up for it by making some seriously offensive french jokes. Tres bon.

I flew back to Barcelona today, exhausted and in need of a sleep. Instead, the apartment looked like Georgia after the Russians (ha ha Lluis.....)Now I am seriously ready for bed!!!!

Heading to Stockholm on Thursday....no rest for the wicked.....boo hoooooooo God I hope Lluis picks up some hot Swede, because he's been looking at me funny lately and I think he wants to jump my bones when I am asleep. I have taken to wearing a chastity belt with an electric wire, just to be on the safe side.

Hung over, feeling like hell!

wrote this to my cousin and felt it was easier to copy it in! I am extremely hung over today!

I had this guy come up to me in the club last night and started chatting to me. I didn't think he was attractive, but he thought i was, and he also thought he was. I kept telling him that i had a boyfriend and that i wasn't interested, but he just didn't get it. he came up to me a while later and asked if we could have sex. I said that I already told him no, and that i didn't think he was my type. He stormed off but not before kindly telling me that I couldn't do any better! Charming. Fortunately, I did a lot better. In fact, this guy came up to me and said i was hot. true, but it came as a shock. he was a Moroccan hottie. however it turns out he was playing tag with a guy that he was on holiday with, and i caught them fondling one another when i went to the crapper! NOICE.

This could be you.....

more leftover fireworks......don`t these people have lives INSIDE their houses?

For God`s sake, go to bed, and let everyone else have a good night`s sleep. the party is OVAH.

YSL and a Sausage on the beach

So, Yves untimely (or timely dending on whether you work in fashion or not) was cause for me to celebrate a new hairstyle. Gone is my YSL coiffure, and in is a brand spanking new hairstyle. I keep bumping in to the guy who gave me the haircut. mmmm. He got in to a scuffle last night outside the peliqueria, and I would have gone to his rescue but for the madman chasing him with a long piece of wood. Speaking of last night, no one in the area that I know of has lost eyes, fingers or body parts as a result of the fiesta. A shame really, because those stupid fireworks have continued well in to this evening. I have almost lost my hearing.

So, to relax after a bad night´s sleep, I went to the gym today, then finished it off with a cycle to the beach. I`m lying there, in my bathers, in the nudie area as you do, and then I decide (after turning a shade of pink) that it is time to go home. I am getting my bike ready when I see the guy that I had been staring at for the previous hour motions me over to him. I go over, and between his and my spanglish, we strike up quite the conversation. He is lying, stomach on the towel, but otherwise naked. OMG..... Sadly, I would have stayed longer but had to meet someone within the next 15 minutes, so couldn`t stay. he got up off the towel, and you should have seen his sausage. FCUK. It is I think the second biggest that I have ever seen in real life. The other was also in Barcelona, but in the discrete presence of a toilet wall! I am glad we didn`t exchange numbers...he wasn`t going to put that thing any where near my ´tight´bits. But I can`t get the image out of my mind. I hope I don`t sleepwalk in to the fridge and eat the rest of Lluis´s sausage (a gift from friends all the way from the basque country).

Moroccan Lamb and some weed

So, I am in Barcelona, i have almost been here a week. I finally manage to land a job for a week paying not bad money for someone who has a low bank balance, very nice...thank you. (i just have to figure out how to steal a social security number..... so I treat myself to a hair cut ( after Lluis continues to nag me about how bad my hair is) and the hairdresser I want to go to is fully booked. So I head downstairs, because there is a peliqueria practically in front of the back of our building (which is in front of the another block of apartments in a square, so it`s not quite behind the building) and the barber is a Moroccan (what else) hairdresser. he is hot hot hot, has a wedding ring (bitch) but is super friendly. speaks spanish and his mother tongue, both of which fail me. Anyway,he gives me a super duper hair cut, wash, shave etc...the absolute works and it only costs 6 euros. cheap. So I am looking ab fab, with my new pink tan et al, and i´m ready to go out tonight. I cook Lluis and I an amazing indian dinner, followed by a coffee Lluis style (burnt) and some red wine with his own family label (a marketing ploy no less). Lluis puffs away at his joints, whilst I polish off the wine, then some vodka and orange (which 17 years ago I promised myself I would never drink again on account of being drunk for the very first time on the very same ingredients). So, i am sipping my vodka away, Lluis crashes in and out of a coma on the sofa, and I start to think that maybe our idea of cycling to the ´gay beach` at midnight for the party, with the promise of a good cheap E, may not be such a good idea. As it is only 23.20, the night is still young. It is also a fiesta and everyone is setting off fireworks. I have already seen the ambulance drive past, sirens ablast.....I am reminded of this same night 4 years ago, and reading the news the following day of the numerous injuries suffered by idiots and their children after incorrectly lighting fireworks, or worse...buying cheap fireworks without safety precautions......when will people learn.

So Lluis is now asleep on the sofa. If I sneak in to bed now and remind myself of one of his stories, I might just fall in to a coma in spite of the all night fireworks. God love Spain. Someone`s got to.

Finnish hospitality and medicinal vodka!

So, I went out last night to a bar that I found whilst looking for the local gay scene. I stumbled across this bar called Bar Albert. Nothing to write home about but they did serve a mean vodka with lemonade! (for some unknown reason, this is a very unusual drink here!!!) This guy started to chat me up and bought me a couple of finnish shots...tasted like medicine...in a good way. Well, it hit my stomach, then my head, and almost put me in a coma, which was perfect because this guy was so FREAKIN boring. he was a gardener and talked to me about different garden styles. I stated that Finland didnt have its own unique style but had plundered ideas from the garden rich states of France, Britain etc. He disagreed. WHATEVER. YAWN. I wanted to push him in front of a bus. I walked over to a couple who were chatting and asked them if i could pretend to be their friend for a while to get away from this guy. What started as an avoidance tactic turned in to an all-night drinking dancing session. friends came and went, different bars were visited....and we drank and drank and drank until we couldn't drink any more. Finally we ended up at McDonalds at about 7 am this morning (thank god for McToilets). we then stumbled to the apartment of one of the guys, thanks Mikko, for letting me stay, and thanks Matte for letting me snuggle up to you whilst i slept. Mikko, how could you then go to work? URGH!!!!

So come 4pm we leave the apartment after sleeping all day, I go back to the hostel and crash. I can't sleep so i use the internet at the hotel..because i can... but all I want to do is have a 24 hour sleep. Still paying heavily for the Tokyo flight! I am supposed to be meeting another guy tonight (yay for gaydar) but i may have to cancel. I don't think I could survive another big heavy night.

Another rainy day in Helsinki, not good for sightseeing, so i don't feel guilty about not having done any! I need to go now and line my stomach with food! au revoir for now!

No, Finland is not Norway...the Nords are much nicer.......

well, what can I say, I made it this far....the flight from Tokyo was HELL. Despite my fluent Japanese (herro.....Olange Juice Preez...)the flight, the passengers and the length of time it took to go to Helsinki were nothing short of nightmarish! Much like the June rains in Japan, helsinki has also attempted to wash away my sins by raining most of yesterday and today. So that put a dampener on my stay here. So much so that i have decided to reward myself with an even longer stay, a side trip to Estonia (thank God I remembered my Fluro Eurovision outfit along with my own entry "Ken Lee, adibi dibi dachooo" ) and to top it all off, a Kylie ticket has landed in my very hands just this afternoon (proof after all that there is a God and she likes Kylie) and so my plans on Friday are fully booked! (See Ola, you're not the only one to see Kylie this week...but Kylie and Dolly Parton on two consecutive nights? are you some kind of poof? You Swedes......)Should you wish to send me messages of congratulations, you may do so on the following number....+35403269856it is my new finnish mobile number. Missing everyone to absolute bits, and a final few words to live by....Vodafone Australia are a bunch of kunts, don't even think of trying to roam with them in Europe! PS...apologies for the mass mail....I have been exhausting myself senseless with touristy stuff and have had limited internet access (not to mention trying to use a puzzling Japanese keyboard). I am also using the free internet of the hotel that I stayed in last night. the least they can do for making me pay the money I paid. A tzar's ransom. Won't they be surprised when I rock up for breakfast tomorrow morning....despite the 'fresh from frozen' fruit salad and deer meat pate! Thanks Scandic.